I noticed, when I was rereading my first post earlier, that this layout doesn't give the titles of my blogs. So it's pretty useless to name them creatively, isn't it? I mean, that's half the fun--naming the blog--but when everyone else can't see it, then what's the point? You'll just waste half the time it takes to write the damn thing to get the title. I mean, I put the title in last; I spend the whole time I write the blog thinking about what the title could be. If it should have any relevance to what's in the post, or, like the title to a Fall Out Boy song, if it should just be something completely random that has nothing to do with anything that you put within it?
I get the feeling that I think too much sometimes. Actually, it's not just a feeling--that's how I am. I overthink about everything. And usually, it's not good thinking that comes out of it. Then I'll end up in a severely depressed mood and I won't be able to get myself out of it until something good happens. Luckily for me, I haven't been able to think that much since college started, since the whole music thing is taking up so much of my time. I guess I'm thankful that school keeps me so busy, because we get seriously bored on the weekends.
Like, yesterday, I think we walked around campus for fifteen minutes trying to decide what to do before we figured, let's just go up in one of our dorm rooms and talk. Though the talking thing didn't really go that well, because we hadn't been talking that much at dinner, or the walk back to the dorm, or anything. I think I've talked more since I've been here than all of them combined. It's kind of weird.
I'm just really talkative. That's why my blogs tend to be so long-winded sometimes.
And like right now, I usually talk about nothing. My head is a ginormous black hole as of right now, and it's just taking everything in, but not spitting anything out. So my words come out very blah and make no sense... And this is where I start thinking and talking to much.
So I'm going to tell you about my audition.
I just go back from Guzzetta; I had my audition with Jon and Jason--they're the directors for University Band. U Band is the lowest of the three here at Akron, and I'm perfectly fine with that. Low bands mean easy music, which is why I thought that I would be able to blow off that audition music like it was nothing. Essentially, I did. There were just a couple of parts that I blew up, and that was fine. The notes and rhythms were delicious, and Jon even told me that I did a lot of things really well. And they were smiling, laughing, nodding, tapping their feet, bobbing their heads... I'll be really disappointed if I don't end up first chair, I think.
Then again, second won't be that bad. But I despise third chair. I was third chair every year in high school except for my last, when I was sixth. But six is a multiple of three, and I sat next to a bitch, so I didn't like that one, either. Dx
I'm just not that good when it comes to chair placement auditions. I mean, my auditions period usually suck, but the one that I did to get into Akron's School of Music rocked wickedly. I played my solo like it was my job (which is will be one day--right? XD) and I only messed up on the scale, because I'd never played a B major scale before.
Nevertheless, it was still rockin'.
My audition for the Akron Concert Bands, on the other hand, was major fail. So I was placed--can you believe it--THIRD chair in U Band, until I found out that we had separate auditions for chairs, because there are some people who just DO University Band, and they don't have to be music majors, so they don't have to audition for all the concert bands.
But hey, on the bright side, if I made first chair, I'll get bumped up to Concert Band in the spring semester. Which would be pretty freaking sweet, wouldn't it? Haha.
Man. I really forgot how much writing blogs seriously helps everything. I'm not even in a bad mood, and I feel better for typing this all out. Maybe it's because boys are giving me grief, and getting a few words down somewhere makes me feel better. I haven't written a sentence in months. It's kind of scary.
Really, though, I don't know why I'm still so hooked on guys. Well. I do, I guess. I mean... There's this voice inside of me that tells me how bad it is to like girls. That it's against everything I've believed for my entire life. But then there's this other side of me that's trying to tell the other side to screw off and let me love who I want--but the thing is, I've only been falling for guys lately. Could it be that my liking girls was just a phase, like everyone said? One of those experimental things for high school? And I haven't even been through a month of college, let alone the entire experience, and I haven't had my chance to explore yet.
Boys, stop making me like you.
I just... Don't know what it is. Like, I'll be crushing on one guy, because he's my best friend, so goddamn incredible and he's always there for me, and lets me tell him everything, and then all of a sudden, there's another cute guy and I start to fall for him, but then he starts dating a friend of mine, and then he disappears, too, and then when I move into college and meet an adorable boy in the elevator and continue to become best friends with him... Well, it's a cycle, isn't it? And nothing every comes of any of them.
I remember what I told my friend once. I think it's that I see myself being with a girl, in the end, and the boys are just here for play right now. She told me that she thinks it's the other way around; that I'll end up with a boy in the end and I'm just playing around with the girls.
But I don't want it to be that way! I don't want to be that cliche teenager that's only gay because it's the "cool" thing to do. I don't like girls because it's cool. I like girls because they're... Incredible. Because they know exactly what a girl wants, and they won't take your heart and smash it under their skate shoes, like all those boys have done to me. It hurts, thinking back on it, you know? But I don't want to get into any of that stuff right now.
Madison just came in and we're going to go get lunch. I'M STARVING. [:
I think it took just about the whole day to get this blog working. And, I mean, I haven't been really good about keeping blogs in the past, but like I told Kayla, I think it's because I never actually really knew how to blog. So, since I was so jealous of Kayla's epic blog, I figured I might as well take another crack at this, and I started a brand new one. Of course, it's like 12:30 am and I have an 8:50 class tomorrow morning, but I would much rather get up at least one post, because Kayla expected an epic blog when she got home earlier, and I still hadn't even though of a name that wasn't taken. XD
We settled on Scribbled Symphonies because it was kind of a mix of a few things that we'd thought up beforehand. I really like it, actually. And its music-related, which was really all that I'd originally wanted.
It took me about five years to find just the right template for the layout, though, and I'm not really sure if I like this one or not, but I guess I'm going to have to deal with it, aren't I? There wasn't much out there that was even remotely cute, so I think that I ended up picking a good one, right? Haha.
Anyway. I don't really have much to say right now; I have no blistering thoughts boiling about my head, nor do I have much I would need advice on. Well, I take that back. I have plenty of things that I could ask for advice on, or complain about, or something like that, but I'm good as of right now. Plus, I don't want to go to bed asking myself questions about everything. I'm tired enough as it is; I don't think I want to wear my brain out that much.
Luckily for me, I don't have Marching Band rehearsal tomorrow. But I do have University Band rehearsal, and that's just fine. U. Band music is so easy. XD
That does remind me, though. I also have my audition for chairs at 1:10pm. Ohh, boy. Not that the music is hard or anything, but I want to play it well enough to get first chair. So, it might be a good idea for me to get some rest, so I don't beef up everything tomorrow, right? [:
Wish me luck. <3