It's only 8am and I've already had one of those nostalgic moments. I always get on Facebook in the morning, beacuse when I have notifications, it makes me feel special, you know? Even if they're just from some stupid application, or whatever. But I was looking through my Feed, and I saw that one of my old high school friends posted some pictures. I usually love looking at her pictures, because she's so good at editing them. She'll tint them, add cute text with lyrics from a favourite song, and they just make me feel good.
Well. I guess that was before college.
"I can't believe I'm already a senior!" quickly turned to "I can't believe we're doing with high school already!" and then to "Holy shit, I'm in college. I'm on my own!" And looking back at the past hurts now, instead of making me feel good.
Last night, I was in Paul and Mike's room for like two hours, just talking to them about everything. I know I already mentioned that, but really. We had some really in-depth conversations--though most of it did have to do with trying to Mike to ask out Caroline finally. I said some things to them that it took me years to tell some of my best friends. Things that I haven't even told Nils yet, which is big for me. Nils is my best friend in the whole world, and though we've only known each other for a year, he's the closest I've ever felt to anyone.
I've never had any real friends before. Never had that person that I could talk to for hours about everything. I mean, I sort of did, but our group of friends ended up splitting down the middle and everyone took sides, to which I just scoffed and decided against all of it.
But anyway.
It's weird how things have escalated with my friends here. I feel closer to these people than I've felt to anyone, ever. And yesterday I realised that... These are the people that I'm going to know for the rest of my life. Remember those old cliches that say you'll be best friends with the people you know from college forever? I feel it already, and I'm only three weeks in.
The sad part is, when I looked back at those pictures, it really hurt. Like, not just tug-at-my-heart, tear-in-my-eye sad; it was like, I'm about ready to bawl, but I have to go to class in an hour, so I won't. But that doesn't mean I won't be spending my break crying my eyes out.
I never realised how much I was actually going to miss home, and my old friends and everything, when I left. I'm not usually one to get homesick, but I think I talk to my mom just about every day. And I miss Nils more than anything in the world. Not just because I liked him so much for a bit of time, but becasue he's my best friend, and I can tell him anything, and it's just weird not being with him. Over the summer, we hung out just about every single day--and I would give anything to have this summer back. Anything.
College is so weird. I'm out on my own, but I still have my parents paying for everything. I'm in desperate need of a job, because I don't have a lot of money left in my account, but my mom told me that it was all right--they're still paying for all of my expenses. But I'm really on my own. Taking care of myself, buying my own groceries, feeding myself, spending my money wisely--I'd hope.
This is just so different than I imagined it.
