three cheers for me.
I'm not really good at this whole 'about me' thing. Usually I stick to the basics. So... Here goes.
My name is Nicole, and I go by either that, or Nick. I'm not a fan of any other nicknames. Call me Nikki, and be ready to die, basically.
I'm eighteen years old and a freshman at The University of Akron. I'm a Music Education major, with emphasis in the flute. When I graduate, I want to get a job teaching high school marching band, and I eventually want to get my doctorate and go on to teach college.
I'm a big fan of reading and writing, when my time isn't devoted to homework or practising, or rehearsing, or living in the music building.
But basically, I'm just your all-around, average college girl, looking for some friends. [:
11:33 AM
Saturday, February 6, 2010
So I'm laying on the floor in Julio's room typing this because I've been away for like two hours now, and I have nothing else to do since I've already written an Examiner article, did my quote site, and updated Facebook twelve times.
So I'm going to rant again. That's how I do, right? XD
Last night, Julio was talking to me again. You know about the thing where he says that he still wants to be single. He started it off with, "I love you. But..." And I knew it was coming right then, from the look on his face and the tone of his voice. There's nothing else that could've came out of his mouth at that moment except for what did.
He goes on to say that he loves me and he wants to be with me forever and he even wants to marry me, but he feels like sometimes he just would rather be single. Like, he loves me, but he wants to be without the title of "boyfriend" for a while. Now, I guess I understand this, but it still hurt. And I was afraid that we were going to break up, or possibly break up again. Luckily after he said all that he goes, "I really don't want to break up. I just wanted to tell you this because you told me to tell you when I start thinking about this again." Yeah, I told him that. But I thought it was just a phase, and that it was going away.
Now I don't know what to do. I got upset and was trying to hold back tears. And it worked for a while. And then when we got into his house and actually laid down and started cuddling, we started talking again. And he asked me what was wrong, because he's good and is able to tell when something is bothering me. So I told him that I was just trying to come up with a solution that wouldn't hurt me. And he told me again that he didn't want to break up.
So we cuddled some more, and then something else happened that I don't remember, but I know that it made me mad at him and I didn't want to cuddle anymore, but he was forcefully holding me, and I couldn't get him off. So I just moved to the edge of the bed and waited for him to let me go. And when he did, I just stayed there and tried to fall asleep. I eventually did, but I kept waking up because I would almost fall off the bed. And why did I almost fall off the bed every hour or two? Because Julio was hogging the rest of it. So after a while I just said screw it and got up to do some stuff.
And that puts me here, with him tossing and turning up there, and not bothering to say anything to me, even an apology. So. Yeah. That's about it. Because now I have nothing else to say, but I have to pretend that I'm doing something so I'll look busy to him and he won't bother me until he apologises. But I have nothing to say, so I guess I'm just going to stop here. Ugh.
5:19 PM
Friday, February 5, 2010
So I'm sitting in the student union playing Magic with a bunch of other nerds, because that's what we do on Friday nights--we just have Magic tournaments. And granted, they're not really tournaments, but it's just a bunch of kids that get together and play Magic. If you don't think I'm a nerd now, seriously, you've got another thing coming. I'm a big nerd, especially when it comes to Magic. I've spent a good at least five hundred dollars on Magic cards within the last five months. It's ridiculous. I blame Julio for making me learn how to play.
The only reason he made me learn how to play was because when we first started dating, he would ask me to buy him cards. The first set of cards that I bought him was the dual decks for Liliana vs. Garruk. It was twenty bucks and came with two pre-made decks. It was actually a pretty good deal. But after I bought him that first set of cards, he would continue to ask me to just buy him cards. And I would do it, because I was a nice girlfriend. But after a little while, I got pissed and told him that I wasn't going to buy him anymore cards because I hated wasting all that money. I could use it on more important things.
So then Julio decided that to make it so that I would want to buy him cards, that he would teach me how to play. So he taught me by making me read this pamphlet on Magic, and I learned instantly. It's weird, because Magic is a really hard card game to learn how to play. But he let me play with one of his decks and I would just ask questions, and he would teach me. And I started to get really good. My vampire deck is currently the best out of every deck we have, no matter what. We share cards now, which is why I'm willing to drop a hundred dollars, monthly, on a booster box.
But the point of this post is to say that I'm pissed. I'm seriously angry right now. I dropped a hundred dollars on a booster box for our draft today. Now, I got paid back from everyone for their share, but I ended up with pretty shitty cards. I had a feeling, so I'd bought the vampire intro pack as well, and I ended up with every single vampire card from the Worldwake box. Except for one. And Andrew got it! So he'd told me a few days ago, that if he got the creature, he'd trade it to me. And last night, Julio had traded Kevin, the same guy that's teaching me trombone, for three of this card that Andrew really wants. So I was planning on trading that card for the vampire.
Now Andrew is having second thoughts. His girlfriend runs a vampire deck too, so he figured he'd give it to her... Unless I toss over my best card. I only have two of him, and it was by chance that I got the second one. AND I WANT IT. But I'm willing to trade it so that I can make my vampire deck unbeatable, even though losing this card would make that less likely. I just want this vampire card so bad...
And Julio won't let me trade. Not at all.
I know this probably means nothing to you, but considering that there are eight of us here to play Magic, and I'm the only one that's not playing, and being entirely ignored because everyone else here is male, and Caleb had to leave... It's not fair.
It's not fair at all.
I realise that I'm jealous and just a bitch, but I want to play! And not only do I want to play, but I want that fucking card! And I want my boyfriend to be a hell of a lot less controlling. I bought him all those goddamn cards that he traded, and now he won't let me trade one when he has three. You don't need three of one card. That's fucking stupid.
I'm just pissed. So this was an angry post to explain how pissed I am. And I really want to just continue to angrily type, but that's slightly impossible right now, seeing as I want to play, and being on here would make everyone think that I don't want to play.
I've looked bored, annoyed, angry, everything that I can think of. I've been on the computer four times, checked Facebook every second I get, read all the new cards we got all the way through, and wrote this post.
And nobody has said anything to me.
I want Caleb back. At least he pays attention to me.
9:22 AM
I really wish I would update this thing more. I guess since my last update, I've kind of forgotten about it. I know that I wanted to update it ever day, but as a music major, that's seemingly impossible. I spend too much time practising and studying to really update this all the time, but I feel like I need an out in life, so I'm going to update this as much as I can from now on. I would hope, at least. I mean, nobody really reads this anyway, so there's no point to keep it, but if I'm using it as an out, then I guess it's good for me.
Nothing much has happened since I last updated. Julio and I are still together. We're actually celebrating our five month anniversary today, so that's pretty cool. And he taught me how to play Magic: The Gathering, the trading card game. I'm an official nerd now, but it's so much fun. We're drafting the newest booster box tonight, Worldwake. But you probably don't care. Then again, this isn't your blog, so I'm going to talk about whatever I want.
I did some trading of cards with Kevin yesterday, who I'm also taking trombone lessons from. I guess he has this big studio project, and I get trombone lessons for free out of it. The only catch is that I'd have to play fr his studio class at the end of the semester. Things are going pretty well right now, so I'm not too nervous. But I think that if this works out well, I might stick with the trombone and play it in U Band next semester. Might be fun.
Since about mid-way through last semester, I've bee staying nights at Julio's house. Mostly because Madison has been having Dante stay in our room with her, and that's cool with me, as long as they're not doing stuff. I definitely walked in on them having sex the other day, and I can tell you, that's not something I've wanted to walk in on. Dx
But the point is, I stayed in the dorm last night because Julio had to stay the night in Cleveland. See, he joined the National Guard before winter break, to help pay for school, and he went through his first couple tests and whatnot, and today was his final test to see if he got in for good. He's mostly worried about the weight portion, because his waist has to be a certain size for what the circumference of his neck is. He's been running and doing lots of sit-ups, so I really hope that he gets in. He's probably finishing up his tests right now, and I'm really nervous for him. At first, I wasn't so big on the idea of him joining, because I never knew my opinion about the military, but now he and I have talked and I have a pretty good idea about where I stand. The only thing is, he has to leave for six months starting in the beginning of June, and it's going to be so different without him. He won't be coming back until Christmas. /=
I still can't get over this whole college thing. I mean, okay, I failed a couple of my classes last semester, so I'm going to have to kind of restart being a music major in a couple categories. Mainly, theory and piano. The two classes that I knew I would pass. Know why I failed? Because I wouldn't go to class. Julio was skipping, and I was staying at his house, so if he didn't get up, neither did I. Well. Now that he's not taking classes this semester, I can't blame any of it on him, so I've taken to getting myself out of bed and going to school. Granted, my first class starts at 11am instead of 8:50am like it did last semester, so I don't have to get up as early, but still. I'm doing it.
I've also managed to get in practise on the flute ever single day. I'm striving for about an hour of practise ever day, and hopefully by next semester, I'll have about two hours a day, which will be perfect for the whole me being a music major ordeal.
I just have so much going on in my life, it's hard to summarise it. I wish I would've been able to keep this up for the few months that I haven't posted, because I wish I'd documented some of the things I was going through. Like how Julio and I almost broke up about four times, and the first time that happened, we actually did, for about an hour before he realised that he doesn't want to be without me. Or that Sarah misses me, and I almost had a breakdown the last time Julio and I almost broke up, because it was my fault that time, for missing Sarah, too.
But those are all other stories for different days. I've gotta get some other stuff done right now. XD