scribbled symphonies

three cheers for me.

I'm not really good at this whole 'about me' thing. Usually I stick to the basics. So... Here goes.

My name is Nicole, and I go by either that, or Nick. I'm not a fan of any other nicknames. Call me Nikki, and be ready to die, basically.

I'm eighteen years old and a freshman at The University of Akron. I'm a Music Education major, with emphasis in the flute. When I graduate, I want to get a job teaching high school marching band, and I eventually want to get my doctorate and go on to teach college.

I'm a big fan of reading and writing, when my time isn't devoted to homework or practising, or rehearsing, or living in the music building.

But basically, I'm just your all-around, average college girl, looking for some friends. [:

11:33 AM

Saturday, February 6, 2010

So I'm laying on the floor in Julio's room typing this because I've been away for like two hours now, and I have nothing else to do since I've already written an Examiner article, did my quote site, and updated Facebook twelve times.

So I'm going to rant again. That's how I do, right? XD

Last night, Julio was talking to me again. You know about the thing where he says that he still wants to be single. He started it off with, "I love you. But..." And I knew it was coming right then, from the look on his face and the tone of his voice. There's nothing else that could've came out of his mouth at that moment except for what did.

He goes on to say that he loves me and he wants to be with me forever and he even wants to marry me, but he feels like sometimes he just would rather be single. Like, he loves me, but he wants to be without the title of "boyfriend" for a while. Now, I guess I understand this, but it still hurt. And I was afraid that we were going to break up, or possibly break up again. Luckily after he said all that he goes, "I really don't want to break up. I just wanted to tell you this because you told me to tell you when I start thinking about this again." Yeah, I told him that. But I thought it was just a phase, and that it was going away.

Now I don't know what to do. I got upset and was trying to hold back tears. And it worked for a while. And then when we got into his house and actually laid down and started cuddling, we started talking again. And he asked me what was wrong, because he's good and is able to tell when something is bothering me. So I told him that I was just trying to come up with a solution that wouldn't hurt me. And he told me again that he didn't want to break up.

So we cuddled some more, and then something else happened that I don't remember, but I know that it made me mad at him and I didn't want to cuddle anymore, but he was forcefully holding me, and I couldn't get him off. So I just moved to the edge of the bed and waited for him to let me go. And when he did, I just stayed there and tried to fall asleep. I eventually did, but I kept waking up because I would almost fall off the bed. And why did I almost fall off the bed every hour or two? Because Julio was hogging the rest of it. So after a while I just said screw it and got up to do some stuff.

And that puts me here, with him tossing and turning up there, and not bothering to say anything to me, even an apology. So. Yeah. That's about it. Because now I have nothing else to say, but I have to pretend that I'm doing something so I'll look busy to him and he won't bother me until he apologises. But I have nothing to say, so I guess I'm just going to stop here. Ugh.