Nicole: I GOT A PHONE CALL. -dances-
Caleb: Awesome!! What all did he have to say?
Nicole: That he's okay and everything's going well and so far he's on track to graduate; all he has to do is pass the last PT test which he's kind of worried about because he hasn't done 42 push-ups, 73 sit ups and he hasn't yet run 2 miles in under 15 minutes.
Nicole: Those are the requirements. More or less on the situps, I forgot that number.
Caleb: I see. How far off track there is he?
Nicole: I don't know. His last 2-mile was 16:14.
Nicole: He's done over 100 sit ups before, but with only 20 or 30 something push ups.
Nicole: And that PT test is in two days. DX
Nicole: But I told him to push himself on the run and I know he can do it.
Caleb: That's not too bad then. I'm sure he can force himself through it.
Caleb: Hey, that's what I was going to say! hahahah.
Nicole: XD
Nicole: Remember how I freaked out really bad last night?
Caleb: Yeah.
Nicole: I had a freak-out like that about a week or so ago, but it was twenty times worse, and I didn't talk to anyone about it.
Nicole: Instead, I wrote Julio a letter.
Caleb: What all did it say? Did he talk about it today?
Nicole: Yes.
Nicole: And I had forgotten about it.
Nicole: And I felt horrible.
Nicole: So. So horrible.
Caleb: Why?
Caleb: Talk.
Caleb: =]
Nicole: Okay.
Nicole: So.
Nicole: The letter.
Nicole: It said how I was having trouble coping with him being gone.
Nicole: And how it was getting harder and harder as the wait time grew less and less.
Nicole: And then I realised after only getting to see him for three days, I'll have to wait another four months before he actually gets to come home and spend time with me.
Nicole: And these past two months have been the hardest I've had to endure in my entire life.
Nicole: And I told him I didn't know if I could wait that much longer.
[Nicole: And I assured him of how much I love him.
Nicole: And some other things that I can't remember; but I sort of just rambled on about things that sucked.
Nicole: And I told him that if he didn't want to be with me anymore, either, that I understood.
Nicole: And I sort of left the letter like that.
Nicole: And then the next day I wrote an apology letter for my actions and thoughts.
Nicole: And I just started all these messages with 'and' and that sort of bothers me, because you're never supposed to start a sentence with 'and.'
Nicole: But anyway. (You shouldn't start a sentence with 'but' either...)
Nicole: I apologised in that next letter.
Nicole: And (ugh) he brought it up on the phone today.
Nicole: "What was with that letter you sent me? You almost broke up with me."
Nicole: -nervous chuckle- "Yeah, I, um... I don't really know..." -trails off-
Nicole: "Is everything okay?"
Nicole: -chuckles again- "Yeah. But, uh. You may get another letter like that soon. But not horrible like the first one..."
Nicole: "Why are you getting all emo on me, babe?"
Nicole: "I'm not getting emo. I just miss you."
Nicole: "You'll see me soon."
Nicole: "i know."
Nicole: etc, etc.
Caleb: I see.
Caleb: That's a lot of stuff.
Caleb: So, you guys are okay then, right? Still together and happy and whatnot? And he understands what you're going through?
Nicole: I would hope so.
Nicole: We only had ten minutes to talk, so we didn't get to discuss much.
Nicole: But I'm going to write him a really, really, long, apologetic letter and tell him how much I love him and how much he means to me.
Nicole: And how stupid I've been being.
Nicole: Do you know what he told me, Caleb?
Nicole: "I got a letter the other day..."
Nicole: "You get lots of letters."
Nicole: "Yeah, mostly from you, and I've only written like three other people once or twice."
Nicole: "Anyway."
Nicole: "So this letter. It said that the Army really needs aviation people overseas."
Nicole: "Yeah?"
Nicole: "Yeah. And you know I'll be working with helicopters."
Nicole: "Yeah."
Nicole: "And they told me that I might be deployed within six months of coming home."
Nicole: "..."
Nicole: "Yeah."
Nicole: "Six months?"
Nicole: "I can't help it."
Nicole: "But you wouldn't even be home that long..."
Nicole: "It's not my fault, babe."
Nicole: I think at that point is when I started crying.
Nicole: Silently, of course. He hates when I cry.
Nicole: (That's why I do all my crying while he's away! xD)
Nicole: "I guess it's okay," I told him.
Nicole: "Well it has to be. I would have to go."
Nicole: "I know. I understand. I'm proud of you."
Nicole: "Thanks, babe."
Nicole: Did you get any of that?
Caleb: So, he is going?
Nicole: Probably.
Nicole: He's unsure.
Nicole: He said "it's likely/a possibility".
Nicole: Like, he said all these phrases of uncertainty. Because nothing is certain with the Army.
Nicole: I just know that if signs up Active, I'll kick him in the balls. And I don't care if we won't have children.
Nicole: I do not want an Active guardsman as a husband.
Nicole: I can't handle him being away that much.
Nicole: Fucking two months is destroying me.
Caleb: Okay. My computer was being dumb for s second, sorry. Stupid Army and it's uncertainties. I bet, sounds rough.
Nicole: The worst part is that I have nobody to talk to about it that understands.
Nicole: You're on my side because you're my best friend.
Nicole: You and all my friends that I talk to about this. (Though you're probably the only one that doesn't get annoyed with all I talk about him...)
Nicole: I want someone to understand how I feel.
Nicole: And tell me how to make it better.
Nicole: I feel like he took my heart away with him.
Caleb: He did.
Caleb: He left you his too, did he not?
Nicole: I mean literally.
Nicole: Like. There's a hole in my chest.
Caleb: Yeah, I know. It sucks monkey balls.
Nicole: I just don't know what to do.
Nicole: I'll get to see him, I know.
Nicole: But what happens after that?
Caleb: But hey, it happens. You just have to enjoy every second concerning him that much more.
Nicole: And he freaking spent $400 on Army clothes, so I doubt he'll have enough for a computer to talk to me.
Nicole: I know.
Caleb: After that? You just hold on those moments until you see him again.
Nicole: Can't I just hold onto him?
Nicole: Physically?
Nicole: I miss the feel of him.
Nicole: I don't remember what he feels like.
Nicole: And you know what sucks?
Nicole: He won't feel the same.
Nicole: He'll feel different.
Nicole: More muscular, slightly leaner.
Nicole: I liked my teddy bear.
Nicole: He was soft and plush. XD
Caleb: hahahah. This is all true, but it's bound to happen. He will still be the same person, and he will feel more familiar than you think.
Nicole: No.
Nicole: He's a different person.
Nicole: I wish you could read his letters.
Nicole: From the first day to yesterady.
Nicole: yesterday*
Nicole: They're so different from one another.
Nicole: He respects his life and his body and his family and his friends and his training.
Nicole: Though he hates it like hell over there, he's learning a lot and he appreciates it.
Nicole: He likes what he's doing and he's proud of himself--that's the first time i've ever heard him say that.
Caleb: That's a good thing though, isn't it?
Nicole: It's incredible.
Nicole: I know he's changed for the better.
Nicole: His only problem is that he cusses every fifth word.
Nicole: Army thing, though. Understandable.
Caleb: Yeah, and once he gets around you for a while, that will calm down some.
Nicole: I hope.
Nicole: But I mean, that's not really a big problem, because I curse, too.
Nicole: But he doesn't like it.
Nicole: I know that he loves me, though, which should be enough, shouldn't it?
Caleb: Yeah, most everyone does. I do a lot more than I should.
Nicole: To know that I'm the only person he constantly writes and he calls me more than his mom.
Nicole: That's ridiculous.
Nicole: Like...
Nicole: I know I mean a lot to him.
Nicole: He means a lot to me.
Nicole: And I feel shitty thinking it, but I need more.
Nicole: I need him here.
Nicole: And it sucks.
Caleb: That's not shitty at all. It's just how you feel. I'm sure he feels the exact same way, especially since he talks to you more than his own mother.
Nicole: He just hates writing and speaking Spanish.
Nicole: I don't know why--I think it's amazing that he can do that.
Nicole: I can't. I almost failed high school because of Spanish.
Caleb: Spanish and I didn't get along either.
Caleb: Regardless, it still means something.
Nicole: I know.
Nicole: I know it does.
Nicole: And I love him for talking to me so much.
Nicole: But I feel so selfish.
Nicole: For needing him here.
Nicole: And don't get me wrong, he's doing an incredible thing, and I'm so proud of him.
Nicole: I could never do what he's doing, as much as I've thought about trying.
Nicole: I could never.
Nicole: But I want him.
Nicole: When he told me about the thing when he said he might be leaving after six months of being home, do you know what else he said?
Caleb: That's not selfish. That's love.
Caleb: What else did he say?
Nicole: "If I end up having to leave for a year after only being home for a little bit, you know I'd marry you sometime in those six months."
Nicole: "You would?"
Nicole: "Yeah, if you'd want to."
Nicole: "Well, I would, but I don't know how that would go with my parents. I'd only be 20, and I'd still have a year of school left."
Nicole: "Well. It's a thought. You know I love you and I'm going to be with you forever no matter what."
Nicole: "I do. And I love you too. Do you have to leave that soon?"
Nicole: "Well, if I go back to school, it's less likely, but I don't know yet."
Nicole: "I see."
Nicole: And then the conversation changed.
Nicole: Caleb, he said he'd marry me.
Nicole: Like, next summer.
Nicole: That's when his cousin is getting married.
Nicole: I don't want to steal their thunder. They just got engaged around Christmas.
Nicole: Well. Maybe sometime after. Like my birthday-ish.
Nicole: But. Do you believe that?
Nicole: He'd do that for ME.
Nicole: (Also, he'd get paid like an extra $250 a month while overseas, plus more for the bills I'd have to pay if we moved in together.)
Caleb: Do you have any idea how sweet that is?
Caleb: I seriously teared up.
Caleb: jk
Caleb: Thank you for that!!
Nicole: Damn. I thought you did.
Nicole: Haha. Thank you for what?
Caleb: My damn internets is sucking so much ass right now!
Caleb: Thank you for making me tear up from sweetness
Nicole: XD
Nicole: I only do nice things for my best friend. [:
Caleb: hahah. Yes, you do.
Caleb: I do believe that though.
Nicole: Believe what?
Caleb: That he would want to do that.
Nicole: So do I. You know, we've been talking about it for a while.
Nicole: Like. I was so embarrassed even thinking about that; we haven't been together a year yet.
Nicole: And damn him for missing that glorious anniversary.
Caleb: Yeah, it happens. Don't be embarrassed though.
Nicole: I was at first.
Nicole: Because to be incredibly honest, I'm not one for falling in love.
Nicole: I haven't had any long relationships. I had one. And it was with an internet boy.
Nicole: And I did have one real long relationship, but it lasted nine months and he broke up with me because I was too bossy.
Nicole: That was in ninth grade.
Nicole: And in all those relationships, it took me forever before I could tell those people that I loved them.
Nicole: For. Ever.
Nicole: But everything in mine and Julio's relationship moved so, so fast.
Nicole: We started making out on our first date halfway through the first half of the movie that we sat through before leaving, making out in his car, and then him coming up to my dorm room and other events ensuing.
Nicole: We didn't have sex the first night, and we didn't have sex the second night, either (when we had our second date, to go to the movies again with a couple of my friends). He spent the night and we did everything but.
Nicole: I don't remember when it was that we first actually hooked up, but I know it didn't take too long.
Nicole: The point? I think he told me he loved me sometime around 4am on the second night.
Nicole: That week he stayed in my room one night until like 3am and we laid in my bed fully clothed with the blankets on, freezing and we told each other our deepest, darkest secrets.
Nicole: And then the future started coming up, after a few times where he tried to break up with me.
Nicole: And he realised, I thought, that we were meant to be together. So we talked about marriage and children and our lives together. Early on. Within the first couple months, maybe.
Nicole: And then talking about the future scared him and we almost broke up again. And then there was the whole crap about him wanting to be single.
Nicole: And then... He joined the Army.
Nicole: It was around that time where he started realising what he really wanted in his life.
Nicole: And I guess I should really be thankful that he did, because if he didn't, I don't know if we'd still be togehter.
Nicole: And now he knows discipline and strength and courage and his greatest fears all at the same time, and that's basically what a future with me entails. (Haha.)
Nicole: So I do want to marry him.
Nicole: I would have married him before he left.
Nicole: I would marry him when he comes home.
Nicole: I'd wait until I've 75 to marry him, as long as we're together throughout our whole lives.
Nicole: Marriage, to me, is just benefits and extra pay at this point.
Nicole: He's already tied to me for life. He promised.
Nicole: The necklace he gave me. That's his promise. He's promised in his letters, with his heart.
Nicole: He cried the night before he left. He held me and he cried.
Caleb: And part of that is wanting to marry you apparently.
Nicole: Apparently. XD
Nicole: Sorry. I ramble.